Tonight was really great. A few weeks ago I had bought a ticket to go see City and Colour at the National, unsure if I’d have a friend to attend with me or not. I realized sometime last week that I’d most likely be going by myself as most of my friends are out of town… and so tonight I went, not really knowing what to expect.
It was silly to ever wonder if the show would be less than phenomenal. I’ve loved Dallas Green since I started listening to Alexisonfire as a little scene kid and the performance was everything I had hoped for. While the experience was somewhat surreal, being that I truly knew no one in attendance, it was wonderfully liberating. I didn’t care who could see me singing like an idiot, or when a song would make me cry. I didn’t know these people, and I will never see them again.
I felt powerful walking home, even if what I did wasn’t so noteworthy. I realized that I don’t need the assurance and security of other people to be happy, and that epiphany made me realize, among other things, that I’m wasting valuable time on Tumblr. I’m not sure I like the format of the site or what it seems to stand for anymore. There’s just so little originality, and what is original is often self aggrandizing- the self portraiture, the unnecessary dramatics, etc. I am quite guilty of all of the above myself, but I think it’s time to change that.
I used to use tumblr as a blogging platform, expressing some fairly personal details on a regular basis. Since I’ve gained followers and negative attention, I don’t feel comfortable doing that anymore. When I want to put forth my own ideas and experiences, I feel silenced, and yet I am encouraged to post pictures of myself and pretty landscapes. I’ve given it some thought, and this format of social networking is one that stunts me as a person. I gain nothing from tumblr, and I hardly give anything back, either.
I guess the point is that I think I’m done here.